Being Vulnerable

*This article has been published in and is republished here after the site has been shut down.

One of my good friends once said, people especially women are so vulnerable after they have just clashed that any guys who are at their disposal to console them during their sad days stand hypothetically higher chance of dating the girls.

I do not know if that is true enough. I firmly believe that is his personal observation. And if that makes any sense at all. I did not ask him back. I remembered I said he was right about it but I also remembered that I agreed without actually think more about it.

He was right about one thing for sure; being vulnerable. Everyone does when dealing with failure and sadness. Genders do not make any difference. You can be a tough guy with a stone cold heart but there is still that soft spot that will somehow make you feel so lost of your own feeling after being dumped, for an instance. There is suddenly a big dark hole in your heart. A hole that was once filled with unconditional love. The spot that has been your source of inspiration, courage and happiness.

At the times we are so in need of people who can comfort us, these people come in. We allow them to. They patch the hole little by little. We cannot afford to let the hole gets bigger. We are so prone.

We give them too much space to them that to some extent we feel like they can replace those who have gone leaving us drown in our sadness. We feel like they are our ultimate saviors that can lift us up again, seeing the other bright side. We somehow let emotion empowers us. We despise our brain’s capability of making wise decision.

Our heart is now like Walmart’s front door wide open on Black Friday. Anyone can dash in.

I see the question of “how vulnerable are we?” depends on how we control our emotion. To what degree do these events impact us emotionally? I never come across a case where people have emotional epilepsy. Emotions are triggered by events. Predictable events, non-predictable events. How much space do we give those people – the ones at our sides – to venture into our heart and exploit it? Questions that we need to constantly pose to ourselves.

Some believe that girls are not good decision makers simply because they tend to make decisions based on emotion rather than logical thinking. That somehow  sounds pretty correct yet debatable. We are not going to debate it here now though. I guess that is why my friend said so earlier.

My words?

Happiness is best to be unleashed. Spread the positive vibes around. But anger is best to be contained and disposed properly. Yoga, perhaps? Sadness is best cured with patience and rationality. Sadness can be expressed physically. You can cry out but you should not let emotion to empower you and say or do silly things that can show how weak you are at that point of time.


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