Some things, as some believed, are better left unsaid.
And I say, it is good that some things are not etched on your brain for like, forever. It is sometimes good that you forget certain things. Especially things that you do want them to wash away together with the time, like the stain on your shirt washed away after spinning in the washing machine.
It is unfortunate that we tend to remember things we do not want to, and forget things we want to remember of.
I do not anticipate public holidays and weekends because they make me think of things that I wish I do not remember. Works put wonders away. Works put undesired reminiscings away.
Thus far, I enjoy my internee life. I spend less time scrambling my archives involuntarily, smiling over the past, mourning over the future. All I want is to just live the present, enjoy every irreversible second doing things that I have always wanted to.
I want to forget a few things that I cannot get rid of. Because it makes the little heart rots, stinks like it has been wrapped in a plastic bag of expired red beans with worms all over it.
So what do I do? I keep myself busy. I am more than happy to spend most of my time at the office and as little time as possible at my rented room. Literally dealing with the past on a daily basis in the present is yet another thing to be handled. It is like running in circle – to just meet the same point all over again. It is just whether I will fall for the same acts or I improvise. Time will tell.